These Phrases given by A Dad That Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You require some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a few days away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."